U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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