yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
