Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
false alarm, still single
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
