College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
