Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
