my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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