i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Randomize
