I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
