There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
