11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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