I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
