I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
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enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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