i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
