The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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