just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
