Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
