Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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