I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
