dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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