What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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