so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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