There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
