he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All the doctor said was why
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
