you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
