I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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