maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
