i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
