i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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