We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
