i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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