i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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