RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
