Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
