So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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