she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
