the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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