well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
