my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
