A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.