connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.