My nipple is on Facebook.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
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it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.