A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen