she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?