I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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