bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How does one acquire holy water?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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