I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.