Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.