true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
honey bunches of taint.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
