the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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