What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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