Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
