Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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