Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
