New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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