I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
