I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
