I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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