i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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