Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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