I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
