I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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